I: ‘Can I talk to you ?’ I asked when in seclusion with Him.
I wanted to say… I wanna start over..
He smiled like He read my mind, like He knew I was gonna come to this point sooner or later
I: I.. I am really , lost.
I think He Went on smiling again. I found His eyes on me , not that of anger – not that of anguish, but of Someone’s who’s been watching over me since a long long time now despite of my follies and I was asking Him about a ‘start over’? I felt … silly
I: ..”I am hoping we can start over anew, No one would come between you and me. I – I won’t let anyone come..I won’t let u down again”, My heart was going numb with an unknown feeling. Throbbing, burning, crying, yearning. “will you just, just once more love me? Love me the same ? Just love me?”
He didn’t speak, nor turned away from me
I grew more intense, more anxious and begging. My head down , my eyes wet… He was really making me nervous now , I, hither and thither, like a stubborn lover trying once more to win over this beautiful and perfect beloved, went dizzy. He was a sea, and I ..nothing ..and this aching pain – so hurting..
Not being able to bear His silence any longer, I went over board and threw myself in prostration before Him
“Look,..’ I begged for forgiveness , ‘I am looking to mend our relation.You can’t refuse me I know, its not What you do. I know I just know you won’t refuse me.'” I finally exploded for a relief for a solution. He kept being there , watching me preserving silence, then cries – then again silence..and again cries. A pain had seized my soul for so long now that it longed for His mercy. And He knew it. He knew it alright what He and I had together, it was sweet and pure and nothing like it could ever exist.
Regrets were beginning to bite on my heart. How could I be so consumed in something than Him.. I held myself in dismay , Had I lost him? No..this thought haunted me. Tormented. I begged – over and over again for something that could free me …
and then in that moment of remorse before my beloved, pain trickling down my face – He made me look up at Him.
Rejoice! all my sorrows vanquished ..
Rejoice! my Beloved had embraced me…
Rejoice! for the sweet love whispered to me..
Rejoice! .. “And He is the Forgiving and Loving”….. <Qur’an 85:14>