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Life amidst people

I think I’m losing my mind. This is actually scaring me. Is it making me stronger or killing me? Either this world is going crazier by every second, or I am. 

I think it’s me. I can’t stand that people must love themselves so much to the point of insanity that they become loveless towards others. That they become too consumed with themselves and become average. That they forget compassion and true purpose of their existence. Why were we created?   What for? To be self centered, to be superficial? 

Past few years I believed I am the one who is out of place, out of sync. Wasn’t always this way, I was one of them and then became a deviant so it must be me. And everyone around is just awesome. They know how to socialize. I don’t. They know how to live by, I don’t. They party, they cry, they laugh, they do everything so smoothly with so much perfection everyday of their lives but I am, stuck. Unable to program the way some do. We are different elements and we don’t match.Where is my element? I am stuck. I can’t bond with any one normal if that’s what they think they are and I am an insane, the one who would surely go to a great gathering, stay there, but away from everyone, on her own terms. They are the majority, and its a pleasure for me to be not one of them. Does this make sense? In my head it does. I would rather be alone and observe them than be with them. And what have I learned? That this world, is rapidly changing and the likes of me have to suffer and survive in their crowds. This does not mark me a victim but I am just a unit. A single mind and they are many. I have learned that even if their help is fake, its alright. Even if their time of partying is wrong, Its Alright. Even if their crying is artificial.Its alright. Even if what they appear to be is clearly understandable that it’s not really who they are but its alright. Its OK because that’s the way of this world. They can’t stop loving themselves. They can never hate themselves. They are too consumed. And I am insane if I refuse to be like them because I am too old fashioned. Too consumed with old fashioned ways that preaches moral behavior! And what is moral behavior by the way! What the heck is moral behavior?

I try to socialize but I soon get bored with people. Very few earn a place in my heart.  I try to socialize the other way, that is on Facebook. But there too, our worlds seems to collide. Its like you vs them all the time. Because they are too sane for me. And I am too blunt to be taken.

Am I wrong if I want to say we are becoming monsters? Am I wrong to ask, if this world is changing us, or we are the ones changing it?

I seriously think I am losing my mind. Or maybe it’s too late and my mind has already been lost. 

And there’s no one who shares this feeling with me? Come on.

What’s wrong with you!

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  • Roshaan

    It’s upsetting really. You are atleast writing about it in your blog. Why not publish something similar in the local newspaper.
    The world is a messed up place right now.

    • Khanum

      This world is indeed a messed up place , we are worse..