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No jokes. Please No jokes

I have met some confused people and then I have seen some entirely mental ones too but never in my (I won’t tell my age) years of Life , Have I come across a Person (a man to be honest) who has given me a reasonable and not laughable reply. (Or kill-able in many cases).

I’m Talking about the marriage question. And  No, Khanum hasn’t proposed anyone lately. (I solemnly declare I do not have any Boyfriend , neither do I wish to have one in any case) And if you’re wondering what this post is about. I don’t know where the feet or the toes of this post would be but You know me, I always make a point!

So what happened. You know the Facebook page I often visit and mention? HAPPY MUSLIM HUSBAND AND WIFE. Last Time I wrote a post over it that was a ridiculous hit.  Few days back I ran into a discussion “What qualities would you want in spouse.” I interviewed (surveyed) few opposite genders and I got some super funny replies. The ones that make u go baboons and well! baboons!  I just asked my cousin the other day – just out of curiosity- Why would you want to get married?. And he gives me the most ROmantic reply Ever. “…For Food, Pervisha. Its all about food. For having good food around the year, 3 times a day!” I confidently moved on to my next cousin. I repeated the same question and he gave me the heart attack of my life. “Marriage? ..” He stares at me as if I’m – a school girl and winks!  ..”Who wants to get married dude ? eh! I’m good!”

OK. So I was always worried where the young generation is going. But Now Im more worried where my two Cousins are going 😮 We had a long debate over it that went like forever.  In the end I shut up for the sake of keeping my sanity intact because I concluded what my one cousin wanted was a Master Chef  – not a wife and the other one just needed a good beat from his parents. Including me. Or I better just  give a call to his (secret gf) and reveal his future plans. yes. That’s most reasonable. (JOKE)

Back to HAPPY MUSLIM AND WIFE.

They Also had a similar status update interestingly. Look what they posted.

I seriously wonder if the Admin of this page is female or some hardcore fan of female psychology. Why must this page ask men to take notes otherwise ? Most importantly, Who knows a man that takes such notes anyways?  Have you ever met one, seen one, talked to one? Really? 😮

I read few replies and didn’t make a comment myself for two reasons.

1- I didn’t want to be associated with the status at any cost. (It was enough that  I mistakenly ended up hitting the ‘Like’ )

2- I laughed so hard at others that I really forgot to crack any joke there. whatever the ladies had written was enough. And out of that. I had been able to finally complete my research on this Opposite-Sex-Psychology-On-Finding-a-Spouse thing.

You are now asked to throw away every bit of logic in the air. Just blow it away. Read the rest of the post and laugh at Some-of-Your-genders- opinions on this matter.

Top 5 Qualities Men (What type of , I cannot comprehend) look for in their spouse.

1- She must not have any boyfriend , this friend or that friend or boyfriend history. (hahaha – as if u’re saint urself.  keep looking)

2- She must have white and nice feet , toes and hands. (OK- what about the face. Can it be blue, black,  green or yellow?)

3- She must acknowledge the fact that Her husband is her Second God , Majazi Khuda. (Do you acknowledge this fact yourself , bhai sahab?)

4- She must have blue eyes. (Just explain to me – what has eye color got to do with finding your spouse? )

And then finally … the 5th point.

5- She must not snore. (Now khanum is really speechless – banging her head on the wall, rolling on the carpet – finding her grandfather’s pistol and aiming to shoot this man)

Top 5 Qualities Women (What type of , I cannot comprehend) look for in their spouse.

1- He should have beard (OK)

2- He should not have beard (hainn ? :o)

3- He must be kind, and caring, and understanding and love me even when I shout and handsome and some more kind and more caring and some more understanding and rich and must have a BMW or Mercedes and must not look for another women. He must inform me where he’s going but he should not question when Where I am headed to and he should take me shopping and he should look like johnny depp once in a month and oH I would truly adore a man who would get my name tattooed on his arm you know like Johnny depp got Verona Riders name and maybe on His chest too … (Please shut up!  get a new brain or control plus Z your ideal man but I feel its really better you get a brain surgery) P.S. Stop watching Korean dramas and immediately quit reading stupid novels.

4- He must take me to McDonald’s every day. (Why? Does he own it? Or does his father own it?)

5- He must love animals. (uh – It is really beyond me – Do You want him to marry you or your cat?)

Other than these, There was another point on high demand by my religious sisters. It was about finding a partner who is spiritually rich. Let me quote a sister. “He should be an EXPERT in the field of Islam and must be a true Follower of Allah and His Prophet PBUH and must know the sunnah and everything, plus he has to be a daee. He should be perfect.” I couldn’t help myself from laughing at the word ‘EXPERT’. Please ask your self, or let me just ask you myself.  Are you a Phd degree holder in the field of Islamic studies and Fiqh studies and Fatwa Studies and Shariah studies and Sunnah Studies and every studies that could possibly exist in order to make you a Perfect Muslim???!! No? Then please be reasonable. Yes!? Then still be reasonable. This world is running out of men and women are increasing in numbers day by day. Do you want to get married or not, sista ?!

I can give you a hundred stupid demands made by most of the women and men in this world almost everyday. Just not too long ago, my cousin got divorced. He had been married for two years and it didn’t work out between the two: hence, divorced. So when I mistakenly asked him – actually I didn’t ask he himself started the non sense – He said “I want a woman who will furnish the house, bring in lots of jahaiz, buy me a car, take care of me financially or better she can take me to her home and we’ll be living there in peace”.

I just asked one little question to him and he wouldn’t talk to me on this matter again.

“Are you talking about getting married or getting adopted ? he never answered. 😀

She should be this tall because I’m that tall – she should look like britney spears but should be very veryyy modest and he should be this handsome because I’m like queen of sheba and this and that and some more blah bla. Really, is it like finding a matching Gold jewellery for your color tone ? No! It’s not. Finding a spouse is not at all like finding your matching shoes, purse, dress, earings or jewellery at all because when you make the effort to look for these material things you actually PAY to buy. How can you buy your spouse? You look for them to be loved and live your whole life with.

It’s not compatible qualities that you’re talking about here when you’re saying you want to have a woman with this figure and a man with this height! – these demands are just your selfishness and lust for finding perfection which btw is only meant for Allah swt , The creator of the Worlds! So if you’re finding God , please find a praying mat and meditate.

My grandmother married my grandfather when she was very young. (Yes I talk alot about my grandma) . They were cousins and total opposites in personality. She was bubbly and was always into outings and stuff with her girlfriends while on the other hand my Grandfather was a tough rough Handsome dude in the British Army. He was by nature very disciplined, boring , strict and  nothing like my nano but honest. So it was a successful marriage. BINGO! She would often narrate her most cherished memories with him. One day she mentioned , ‘The day I came to know I have finally been engaged to your grandfather I rushed to the Halwai, bought lots of sweets and went on to give the good news to the neighbors and my friends and gave alot of laddooos even to the strangers on the street. I was so happy that I am going to be Tufail’s wife.Then on the day of Nikkah I used maswaak to give colors to my lips , your grandfather saw me and said nothing. But I knew he just didn’t say it out of my shyness.’

I swear, hearing her telling this beautiful beautiful story was just simply magic. He went on wars and often didn’t come home for a year or two. Grandma said I used to go mad and angry sometimes that I will tell him this and that and this and that But the moment he used to return home to her, She would simply start to cry and feed him good food. 🙂

I wonder what that was….. Love?  You leave behind a woman today and you may never get to see her after you return!!

He passed away very soon leaving behind 8 children. Since my grandma was way younger than him, she lived all these years alone and missing him so much that I can barely do justice to her sadness with my words. I mentioned in my other post once how she had developed Alzheimer. She wouldn’t remember any child or any brother but one person she always remembered was her Husband. “Who is Tufail, nano?” We used to ask her to bring her back to conciousness when she often went into coma. “Tufail? Tufail is my husband…”

Seeing her saying this with much love in her old eyes, I used to wonder what is it that still binds Grandpa with nano even after his death?

Magic. Love. Association. Whatever it was. It was not a joke. It was a product of their honest time together. It was beautiful.

Now let’s take a quick look at the conversation below. This is a super kid I came across –  Arab by origins , who I believe should be rocketed off to a far far away and very distant planet for the sake of saving the virtues of foolish women of this planet. I had a conversation with a woman over Salaah thing at his status which resulted in this inbox conversation. I removed his name to maintain his privacy. Below is the picture,  He messages me and I reply.

Do you think khanum should wipe off this person? 😀 By the time he marries at the age of 30 Im sure, he would be having dozens of women-  all of them hoping he would marry them. In the name of Ta’aruf!

I won’t type more. I’m tired.

The End.

  • Wow………..that was elaborate and very engaging…I just could not take my mind off this post…Lovely….Hey I guess my hubby has no views after marriage…I think I managed to dismantle his flow of thoughts 😛 But over all loved your post and guys huh…can’t say what they are upto!

    • Dear Dear Dear Valerine. First of all, welcome to my blog and second of thank you for loving this post. I love it too 🙂

      P.S I really don’t understand what they’re upto 😀 Guys huh !

  • This is hilarious! I mean, it’s a serious topic and all, but the way you wrote it… 😀

    Both the brothers and sisters seem to have displaced and unrealistic expectations when it comes to choosing a spouse. Watching way too much television, perhaps? People look for that “perfect” spouse without truly assessing themselves for their own flaws and shortcomings.

    Your grandparents’ story is too cute!

    • Thank you very much and yes Its way hilarious. I have read it more than 10 times so far myself! The description part of khanum finding the grandpa’s gun always cracks me up. :DIm proud of myself for writing this post. I was afraid it wouldn’t make sense n’ lets admit, its really the longest post I have made so far.

      Screw people man! I don’t understand, wo konsay log hote hain who directly propose after falling in love with the other person,, romantically get married and live a good life. Why, must they make it so complicated!! :@

  • I like the woman’s list. Take me to McDonald’s every day. Yeah, sure.

  • Basit

    Heyyy! This is gooooooood appa 😀 but i like lambey lambey baal bettter like yrz

    • Shabash, you’re now forever banned from commenting on my blog.

  • Men think they’re Gods. and that’s the funny part, they expect the best of the best when they;re the worst of the worst. They don’t want a wife, they want a slave.
    It’s the same problem with Hindu marriages in India. :O

    • Thank you for ur feedback. I really agree with u. Some are like that for sure. 🙂

  • Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people need to read this and understand this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more popular because you definitely have the gift.

  • A. Khan

    “if you’re finding God , please find a praying mat and meditate.”””

    I wonder what that was….. Love? You leave behind a woman today and you may never get to see her after you return!!””””

    hahahahhaha diz iz suppper funnyyyyy nd true in many cases thank yew for writing
    Khanum Khanum i love dis blog 🙂 God bless yew

  • Awesome!!! loved every bit of it!! =) 😀

    • 😉 wheever I want to givemyself a good laugh I read this. Lol

  • Haha… Masha’allah! Hilarious! Jazakallahu Khair, I really needed a good laugh! 😀

  • mariya suhail

    Loved reading it!!!

    • Assalamo alaikum. 🙂 shukriya. ure welcum 2 read more on blog.

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