A couple of days ago, something strange happened to me. I lost pieces of time. Then I gained some pieces of time. It’s like losing time but miraculously gaining it back, makes sense?
After having some real strange and down time recently, I am having trouble sleeping. I feel tired but I can’t sleep. So a week or couples days ago, when I was alone at home. I took some pill that could put me to sleep. It wasn’t purely a sleeping pill but something I was sure of, that it would make me sleepy. The treacherous venomous evil apple you can say. This is where it got interesting and It back fired. or perhaps worked.
After an hour, I had one of the most scariest experiences of my life.
I felt dizzy. My body temperature totally dropped. I had cold sweats.
“You are okay, Pari. You are okay. Just try to sleep.” At first I felt I am falling asleep. Such a strange sweet sleep, I thought, that it’s making me lose my mind. I could feel my heart dropping , so very low into some dark unknown pits of despair and oblivion. So amazing. I tried to tell myself that am cool but I wasn’t. Why? Cause it wasn’t sleep. It was an enigma.
It took me awhile to sense that I am losing my consciousness. Losing sense of hearing and my vision is becoming blurry. I had no idea what to do or how to even get up from the bed and so, soon I was on the floor.
More moments passed, I felt my throat was dry, my lips were dry, and my stomach ached the most. In that moment of strange need for someone to hold me, bring me back, any one who could give me a hand, lift me up or put me back to bed, it registered on my mind, that it’s midnight and am alone. I barely managed to whisper a sound to call out someone. Anyone. God? Humans?
And although I was not myself, still some thoughts were with me. Being on the edge where you are slipping into the darkness and worse, nobody is there with you, it makes you familiar with many concepts on a very deep level as if this is your last breath and that’s it. This is the time to know many things. What you gave and what you earned. Who is there and who is not.
Helpless, I tried to focus my mind, wake it up and think what is going on. And bingo! I realized I haven’t eaten anything since hours now. Not just hours infact, I hadn’t eaten anything properly since days. That’s the thing when you are alone at home, and so not in sync with the world around you. I had so much on my mind that I simply forgot to eat. It happens. I am sure it happens with you, too. That you just drink water like a robot every now and then, and totally forget to eat. I too did the same mistake. And to top it all, I had the pill to sleep, with an empty stomach.
After much struggle, I finally managed to get to the kitchen, open the fridge and drink some milk. Then I sat down right there on the chair, ate whatever edible item I could get and found myself coming back to the world of the living. The world I don’t want to be a part of. Strange, isn’t it.
That night, I went to bed thinking alot of things. Mainly about time.
I don’t know what would have happened to me if I hadn’t been given enough time to reach the kitchen and eaten something before I was completely out, completely unconscious. And what happens to those people who take drugs, serious drugs to skip time, escape time, just lose time so they can find some relief? I enjoy skipping time. I enjoy the imbalanced moments when either you’re injected with sleep serum or given a sleeping pill to chill. The relaxation that comes with these medicines, tranquilizers, is amazing. It’s the time in fact, when I babble alot of truths and secrets because it has that funny affect on me. It turns on my fun side. But the use of pills to sleep, its not right. Not on a daily basis. Even if time is hard on you, don’t take it lightly.
What did I eat? I had a glass of milk a slice of bread. All the other food was full of red chilli which I no longer, can eat. So it was nothing much to fill the empty stomach but still enough to bring me back to senses.
In a nutshell. It was one of the most saddest, loneliest nights of my life. And I spent the rest of the night hours, singing. That’s what I love to do when am alone. In fact am thinking, I should once again start taking my guitar lessons and polish this hobby so next time if I end up having such a night, I can have a courtyard guitar session later at night to rejoice surviving once again. If you have a voice, I would say, sing. Why? I should do a different post on that. You don’t have to do it for an audience if you’re not looking for fame. Just do it for yourself. Singing is one of the ways of expressing yourself, where all your happy, sad, angry and surreal thoughts transform into art. Just make sure you do it for yourself first. Not to impress others or seek their validation but to embrace your own talent.
Now, On the bright side, I learnt my lesson that night, not to take any medicine without eating anything. And I would advise you, If you have this habit, too. Please be careful. You could die. Unless you have a prince who can bring you back to life with a true love’s kiss.
Yes, I watched that hilarious Disney movie when I was a kid, because I am a girl by birth, let’s not forget this.
Thank you very much.