I don’t know where to begin where to end. After long moments of Joy — comes silence. Then hits Remorse. Grief. And finally nothingness before a new beginning. It’s still the same. The cycle is same for me. I feel my heart sinking.
This morning I woke up with a frenzy. A madness to visit Paris. Am all excited for the trip but then I don’t know, Like it’s God’s way of balancing the things by creating chemical imbalances in our emotions. My excitement is squeezed down to shame all cause I saw one picture — this picture of a small boy getting beatings from the cruel men. And I am left sulking in my corner – by the lamp shadows — feeling guilty for the crimes of others. Can we enjoy ourselves, go our ways and spend money on extravagant trips when there’s so much more productive work we can do, help we can offer to those deprived? I know the world has its order , poor — rich! All created by God in design but I don’t know. I’m feeling guilty for the crimes of others. As if I’ll be judged and questioned, where and why was I partying when the other half of the world was dying.