Okay!!! I am very excited about this post Because Insha Allah, this time I’m hopeful I’ll’ make it to the PUBLISH button and not the Save draft thing.
The idea of this post popped up in my brain while surfing Facebook. HAPPY MUSLIM HUSBAND & WIFE page is a very good and positive link for people who are either married or interested in sincere and Halal relationships.
Today, this page came up with a new status update:
My immediate response was this:
sometimes we do so much but never sit with them to tell them how important they are, and at times it happens, we do all the talking, and no sincere actions. Just whateva you decide to do, please make sure you express love and be honest.
I thought I was the first one to respond on the status but oh boy! There came a flood of comments. someone suggesting a massage , another recommending ‘buy her a car’ joke. This comment was really too much and definitely a product of a sister’s imagination but anyway, A bother was quick enough to correct her by simply exposing his ‘are-you-kidding-me-woman?’ smile.Right after I made my comment , someone responded saying, i don’t have a spouse :'( i am not married . ANd this is when I realised, I’m a natural at this baby I’m a natural. LOL.
You see, Neither am I married nor engaged, but still i give people tips as if I know what marriage is. Does this make me a psychologist? Hell no, though It probably should but no – I am just Khanum.
I have this habit of re-phrasing the phrases ( I have mentioned this quite often) and then there’s another habit which I call as ‘Putting myself in my own future shoes’. Now let me elaborate this one.
Few days earlier, Tien came up with a post on how fun it is to play pretend pretend. My latter habit is quite similar to that ‘pretending game’. As a kid I used to imagine myself as a doctor. then the imagination got louder and God knows what other professions I made fun of. We all have been there. Where once in awhile, we all imagine ourselves as the ‘other half’ of someone. There’s really no shame in admitting it. Rewind your memories and go back to the time when you played with your siblings or cousins. What was the most played game on sunday at home? Poker?
In my case it always was ‘Wedding wedding’ or either ‘tea party’.
I used to dress up as the host and welcome my ‘imaginary husband’s parents to my home’ 😛 LOL..mother in law played by my 3 years old cousin still in her diapers and father in law by my other cousin – another diapered bottom.
This used to be quite a lot of fun. And still, the things are quite the same . Only the need to have real time actors is not there. the diapered bottom cousin is all grown up. I can’t possibly ask her and him to play that game again SO what do I do?
And improvise for what?
For the sake of having a better understanding of my …… ‘Future shoes’.. 😀
I imagine myself in the shoe of a wife and try to see things from a different perspective. Sometimes, it’s me versus ‘him’ , at times it’s me versus ‘everything’, but the most favourite part is when it’s ‘us’ versus everyone else.
Its very easy, you should also try. If any friend tells you I’m having this non sense or that arguement or that thing is my new headache in marriage , simply think from your perspective and answer her/him. This exercise apart from the joke part gives quite a sense of how to deal with people in problematic situations and most importantly gives you insight on how YOU would respond to your own chaos. Although we all pray we end up with a nice person a sincere one upon which we can rely anytime. But c’mon lets face it. Not everyone is an exceptional case. You may end up with a total weirdo. What would you do then? Alot of women do complain of this fact. They are not afraid of marriage but simply afraid of ending up with a wrong person.
What should be done? Improvisation my friend, compromise and improvise.
I laugh when laughing is required. And yet I am a very serious type of person that my family is actually quite confused about me. But when it comes to a marriage, I would say – It’s an amalgamation of both emotions. Make sure you return the equal amount of understanding yourself which you expect from him or her.
Someone once told me ‘Things are not always black or white. Between these two extremes there are many shades of grey.” I personally don’t think its the same for every thing and every situation. Sometimes the option is either black or white. Any other shade is what people depict. But now that I think about it. I think we can apply this wisdom to a marriage bond.
Things are really not always black or white in this relationship. the person may tell you , you’re a headache but it is a high possibility that he has become immune to this migraine. Yes YOU!
Suppose your spouse comes home, some argument comes up and says – just out of the blue – I hate you. How will you react?
Hurt. Shocked. poisonous in many cases.Cause seriously, it is quite a painful word to hear from your spouse.
But if you’re smart , you’ll improvise and react in the most opposite manner. Use your humour side, romantic side or whatever side you think is best to identify the problem.
Keyword : IDENTIFY.
If you ask me , my reply would be something like this.
“Hate is a very hateful word. Let’s simply erase this word from our marriage dictionary’.
I know I know its very cheesy. Wanna try another option?
Okay. Just say thanks instead. and if still not satisfied. Try the best ‘Hate you back with love’ technique.
‘You didn’t like your school either. But It did educate you in the end dear , so please have some faith in me!!!’
The next one is my favorite. I’m sure in near future there would come a time when My spouse would definitely tell me I am mad.
So I have already practised my line for that oscar moment.
Well ‘You’re as crack as me. Together we can open a mental asylum. You can take care of me and I’ll do the same forever’!
I hope I have saved a marriage by this post. If not – at least I gave you all a good read and some hope for your marriage.